Rage has many offspring (children), such as hate, anger, intolerance, insistence, irritation, obsession, sarcasm (taunt), envy, the abuse of authority, impatience, the lack of forgiveness. Generally it explodes when we want to control another or when our expectations have not been fulfilled.
Hate destroys your concentration and kills the capacity to act with dignity and excellence. You hate by justifying yourself in the other. You had expectations of them and they have let you down. They have wounded you and broken your heart. You answer this wound with revenge. You have to make them pay for it. You think that way you will do justice. This hate keeps you tied to the person that you hate. Instead of accepting them, forgiving them and letting go of them, you tie yourself to them more, nourishing and increasing the pain and the conflict.
Can hate be justified? Can it improve things? Can hate be healthy in any circumstance? Hate affects your health; it poisons your heart, kills your inner peace and dries you of love and happiness; you stay isolated in your aloneness, filled with that rage.
Take a moment to reflect upon the last time that you hated someone. It might be difficult to see that your rage is created by no one but yourself. Although it seems that the behavior of the other person is responsible for your emotional state, the truth is that the hate is your reaction. Each response that you create might be a conscious choice. You forget that you have the choice because it seems that the hate comes out of your inside in a natural way. In reality, you are allowing yourself to act driven by your automatic pilot, where your subconscious habits, which are based on your beliefs and your perception, influence, shape and control your conscious thoughts and actions. That is the sign of mental and emotional laziness; in that state, your intelligence sleeps and it is impossible to think with clarity and take precise decisions.
It is said, “It is impossible to get angry and to laugh at the same time,” Rage and laughter cannot exist side by side and you have the sufficient power to choose either of the two. Each time that you choose to get angry due to the behavior of another person, you are depriving them of their right to be what they choose.
To free yourself from hatred, you will have to take four important steps:
1. Understand that hate is not healthy. When you have a feeling of loss you feel sad. This feeling of sadness, because of the situation, generally gets created inside you before the feeling of hate, anger or frustration. Understand your emotions by observing them closely.
2. Accept that you are responsible for your own rage.
3. The other is free to act as they like, you can’t change them, but you can improve your response.
4. Be prepared to observe, challenge and change the beliefs and perceptions that you base yourself on and that create your emotional pain. Some of these beliefs give force to your rage and block your learning. For example, when you think that it is good that you are angry, the belief is that to feel rage is the natural and normal reaction amidst certain situations. Another belief is that anger causes the adrenaline to flow in you and you consider that it is a healthy addiction, that it makes you feel alive, that having sudden surges of adrenaline makes you feel energetic and strong. You use any excuse to feel bad and, thanks to that excuse, your level of adrenaline rises!
Emotional suffering indicates to you that you have to change something in you, but you don’t change anything. You ignore the messenger and the stress that you create continues to grow. Finally, it turns into such a habit that, if you relax and de-stress, you feel uncomfortable! You have got used to your stress. Become aware of the need for you to evaluate your beliefs and their impact on your life. That way you will be more prepared to change and improve your habits. This is the first step to achieving it.